


Between You & Me

by twdsunshine



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 04:11:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17842202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdsunshine/pseuds/twdsunshine
Summary: Jess is used to keeping secrets.  She hides her relationship with Rick Grimes from her father, fearing what exactly Negan would do if he knew she was sleeping with the enemy.  She keeps the plans of attack each are drawing up to herself, for fear of getting caught in the middle of a conflict that threatens to tear apart all she loves.  But now, she has the biggest secret of her life to share, and she stands to lose everything.  Can the pull of family force two warring leaders to overcome their differences?  Or will the forthcoming battle decide her future?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This mini-series was commissioned by @jacksonmaine on Tumblr, so thank you so, so much for having faith in me to do the story justice! I have really enjoyed working on it and loved writing the Negan/Jess father/daughter dynamic 🖤
> 
> If you have a very specific or personal request that you’d like me to write, my commissions are open, so check out my FAQs at https://twdsunshine.tumblr.com/post/181820823979/requests-vs-commissions-faqs.

The concrete floor was cold on the soles of Jess’ bare feet as she padded along the corridor, running her fingers through her hair and grimacing when they caught on what she was sure were some pretty unsightly tangles.  Her alarm call had come much earlier that morning than she’d expected, and she’d desperately snatched another fifteen minutes of sleep, leaving her with time to do nothing but roll out of bed and pee before leaving her room.  Her pyjama bottoms hung low on her hips, her tank top doing little to fend off the chill, and she shivered.  The thick walls of the Sanctuary seemed to mean that it was consistently either too hot or too cold, and she cursed herself now for not grabbing her cardigan from the back of her door.  

The guard on watch greeted her with raised eyebrows as he took in her attire, and she gave him a pointed look, shaking her head as she drew closer.  ‘Morning, Mark.’

'Jess.’

'I know, I know, I’m late.’

He stepped aside so she could push her way inside, sighing with relief when her toes sank into the warm carpet, her discomfort lessening immediately.  Stifling a yawn, she shuffled over to the chair that awaited her and dropped down into it, letting her eyes flicker closed as her head flopped backwards.

'Well, good morning to you too, sunshine.’

She cracked one lid open to take in the community leader’s smirk, before letting it fall closed once more.  ‘Is it?’

'Wow, what the hell crawled up your ass on this fine fucking day?’

She sighed, easing herself up straighter and shooting her father an apologetic look.  'I’m sorry.  Didn’t sleep well, I guess.’

'I can see that.’  Negan’s smile slipped as he studied his daughter’s face, the dark circles beneath her eyes and a hint of something there that he might’ve read as worry if he didn’t know her better.  His girl didn’t have a damn thing to worry about, so it couldn’t be that.  If he was the King within the compound’s fences, then she was surely the princess, with comfortable quarters almost as big as his own, and unlimited points to fritter away for her own amusement.  Course, she worked, he made sure of that, passing some admin her way to keep her busy and stop laziness from creeping in, but he knew she enjoyed crunching the numbers, so it wasn’t a hardship for her.  'You doing alright, sweetheart?’

'Yeah.’  Jess forced a grin, shaking her head.  'Just one of those nights.’

'Thinking 'bout your mom?’

It was a far easier explanation than the truth would be, so she nodded, ‘Uh huh,’ though the guilt that settled in her stomach had it churning even more than it had been already.  It was wrong of her to lie to him, she knew that, especially about missing her mom, which she knew he did too, but there were already so many lies floating around at this point that she was sure another wouldn’t hurt.

‘Oh, baby girl.’  Negan rounded the desk, leaning himself back against the solid mahogany in front of where she sat and reaching out a long-fingered hand to cup her cheek.  'You’re so much like her.’

The sadness in his voice made Jess’ heart clench and she peered around him at the steaming tray of food set out for them by a member of his staff from the kitchen, ready to change the subject. 'Breakfast is getting cold.’

A deep chuckle rumbled from his chest as he pushed himself upright again, taking a seat opposite her and leaning over to place a plate in front of her, grinning when she immediately picked up her fork.  'See, just like my Lucille.  Never could concentrate when there was plate of hot food for the eating.’

She chewed slowly, waiting for him to move on and start his own meal, but he continued to watch her until she swallowed and gestured to him to eat.  'Eggs are good today.’

He took the hint, picking up his own cutlery and taking a bite, nodding in agreement, though his mind was still fixed on his concern for his daughter and their shared grief.  'I get it, y'know.  I know you don’t wanna talk about it.  I know how hard it is, even thinking about her.’  He ducked his head, and Jess knew he was fighting against a wave of emotion.  'That’s why nobody here knows a damn thing about her, right?  It’s easier just to push it all down.  But if you ever need to… If you need someone to talk to about it… I’m here for you, sweetheart.’

'I know, Daddy.’

'You’re my little girl.’  His mouth quirked at her disbelieving laugh.  'Okay, I know you’re not so fucking little anymore.  But I still remember what it felt like to hold you in my arms.  And I know this place keeps me pretty tied up most days, but you’re still my number one, Jess.  Don’t you ever forget that.’

'I know.’  She dropped her eyes to her plate, toying with her scrambled eggs, letting the moment run its natural course before attempting again to shift the focus of the conversation.  'So, what have you got planned today?  I’m guessing by the crack of dawn alarm call that you’re headed out.’

'Yeah.’  He took a sip of his coffee, smacking his lips and exhaling loudly as the caffeine hit its mark.  'Shit, now, that’s the good stuff.’

A mug intended for her was sitting in the centre of the desk, but the smell alone had Jess turning up her nose and she pushed it toward him.  'Have mine as well if you want.’

'Hell, I’m not gonna argue.’  He tilted his head back, emptying his own cup before accepting hers.  'So, anyway, I’m taking a team over to Alexandria, make sure Rick the prick’s keeping in line.  I’ve got a bad fucking feeling about that one.  Don’t know what it is, I just know they’re gonna be a pain in my ass.  Especially since Daryl got out.  I lost my fucking leverage.  Gotta keep a close eye on 'em, let 'em know that none of their shit’s gonna fly on my watch.’

She nodded.  'Makes sense.  They produce at their last pick-ups?’

'So far, yeah.’

'Maybe you’re worrying about nothing.’

He considered that for a moment, watching as she finished her breakfast and pushed herself back from the desk, stretching out her legs.  'Yeah, maybe.  Still, doesn’t pay to get complacent.  I’ll show my face, remind 'em who’s running the show.  What about you?  What are your plans for the day?’

Jess pursed her lips as she thought, mulling over the seemingly endless hours she had ahead of her.  'Need to go over the latest inventory lists, compile a report on what we’re short of.  And I said I’d drop by and see the doc too, make sure he’s keeping on top of things.’

'You work too hard.’

'I learnt from the best.’

Negan couldn’t help but agree with that, though that didn’t mean he was backing down.  ‘Just make sure you try and grab some downtime for me, okay, baby girl?  You look fucking exhausted.  Take a nap or something.’

'I figure if I make it through the day I can try and get an early night,’ she lied, used now to the hint of guilt that niggled at her, though it still showed up, every damn time.  ‘Might mean I miss dinner though.  You be okay eating alone?’

'Of course.’

'Okay.  Thanks, Dad.’

Negan was already rising from his seat, reaching for the jacket that hung over the back of the chair and shrugging into it, retrieving Lucille from where she’d rested against the wall behind him.  Jess copied his movements, standing and waiting for him to reach her, snaking an arm around her waist so he could pull her close and press a soft kiss to the top of her head.  'You be good for me, you hear?’

She rolled her eyes.  It was the same sentiment he’d left her with since she was a child, and he still felt the need to say it, even now she was a grown woman in her twenties.  'I promise.  Be safe out there.’

'Always.’

He left the room, shooting a wink over his shoulder as he closed the door, and Jess’ own shoulders slumped as she sank back into her chair.  It was still early and the day stretched out ahead of her like the most frustrating form of torture.  Might as well get to work.

 

* * *

 

'Hey, doc.  How’s it going in here?’

Harlan Carson looked up from the papers on his desk at the sound of Jess’ voice, and she offered him a small smile.  One of the newest members of the community, he’d been relocated from the Hilltop when the previous doctor, his brother, had been executed for betraying her father.  Despite the circumstances, he’d gotten straight down to work, perhaps needing the distraction from his grief and discomfort, but Jess had promised her dad that she’d keep an eye on him.

'Fine, thank you,’ came his standard response, voice devoid of any sort of emotion, though she could see the tension in his jaw when she hopped up onto his examination table.  

‘You finding everything okay?’

'Yes.’

'And you’ve got everything you need?’

'I think so.  You are… alarmingly well-supplied.’

'Alright, well, if you get short of anything, just let me know and I’ll get Dad to organise a run out to-’

'I know,’ he cut her off, a brave move considering, though his tone was more strained than aggressive.  'I know the process, thank you.  I’m doing what your father’s asked of me.  You don’t need to keep checking in.  I’m not stupid enough to think I can get out of here.’

'That’s not what I…’  She tailed off, sighing at the roll of his eyes, sliding from the table and not failing to notice how he flinched when her boots hit the floor.  'Look, I know my Dad has a unique way of doing things, okay?  And I know it’s never gonna make him any friends.  But he genuinely doesn’t want to hurt people.  He says they’re a resource, and he’s right.  The Sanctuary needs you, doc, which makes you kinda number one on my priority list right now.  So, if there’s anything I can do to make your life easier, you’ve just gotta say, alright?’

He studied her for a moment, his eyes disbelieving, but then his expression softened and he nodded.  'Of course.  I apologise.  It’s been a stressful time.’

'I know.’  Again Jess smiled at him, and this time find it was returned, if somewhat begrudgingly.  Figuring that was as much as she was going to get from him for the time being, she started for the door, before a wave of dizzying nausea halted her in her tracks.

‘Jess?’  Carson’s voice sounded as though it was coming from very far away as she clutched at her stomach, fighting to regain her composure as the sick feeling began to ease.  She jumped when a gentle hand wrapped around her arm.  'Here, come and sit down.’

She let him guide her across to a stool that sat beneath the window and lowered herself slowly onto it, leaning forward, alert for the sensation to return, but it seemed that it had been a false alarm.  'Sorry, doc.  Not sure what happened there.’

Carson’s brow furrowed as he took in her pale skin and the weariness that was evident in her eyes.  'Have you been feeling unwell?’

'No, not really.  Just a little queasy, I guess.  And I haven’t been sleeping.  Probably just tiredness, right?’

'Maybe.’  He turned his back to cross to a cupboard on the opposite side of the room.  'I’d still like to give you a quick once-over though, make sure it’s nothing else.’

Jess was out of her seat before he’d finished speaking.  'No, really, doc, I’m not gonna waste your time.  I’m fine, I promise.  Just been a busy morning.’

'But…’  He looked as if he might argue, and she knew that it wouldn’t pay to alienate him.  She may need him one day and it would help if their relationship was a positive one.  

'Look, I’ll check in with you if it happens again.  And I’ll go straight to my room now and lie down.’

'Well, if you’re sure.’

‘Nothing a little rest won’t cure,’ she reassured him as she hurried out of the door, wishing life really could be that simple.

 

* * *

 

Jess really couldn’t remember when life had last been simple.  Back before her dad had taken control of the Sanctuary, that was for sure.  Back before the dead started walking.  Back before her mom got sick.  It felt like the last few years had been a rollercoaster, and she badly wanted to get off, but it didn’t seem to stop or even slow down for long enough to give her the option.  Not that she helped herself.  Her choices were questionable, and they only led to more lies and complications that teetered on a knife edge, ready to come crashing down around her at any moment.  But they were also the only way she’d maintained her sanity for this long, and she knew she couldn’t go back on them now.

Stretching out on her bed, she cast a sideways glance at the window, letting out a soft huff when she saw that the sun still hung high in the cloudless sky.  It was only an hour or so past noon and, her chores done and the episode in the doctor’s office fresh in her mind, she felt like a prisoner, confined to her room, waiting for the time of her release to tick slowly round.  Sunset seemed an age away, and, try as she might, sleep still wouldn’t come.  She’d tossed and turned so much that she had a crick in her neck, but the voices in her head refused to quiet, so she gave up, easing herself up to sit back against her pillow and staring at the patch of wall in front of her.

An array of photos were pinned to the plaster, slightly faded and curling at the edges, but they still brought a smile to her face.  She focused on them now, towing her thoughts from the uncertainty of her present into the solidity of her past and letting them soothe her, calming her fraught nerves and excited anticipation.

There was her and her mom, sitting side by side in plastic lawn chairs at a backyard barbecue.  Both balanced plates in their hands, loaded with salad and hotdogs overflowing with fried onions and sauce.  Their similarity had been breathtaking even then, the same subtle hint of green in their hazel eyes, the same shine to their dark hair, the same smile as they laughed at her dad pulling goofy faces at them from behind the camera.  That had been before… Before the cancer, before the infidelity that had threatened to tear the family apart.

There was the cat that her dad had brought home shortly after her mom’s diagnosis.  He’d never wanted pets in the house, rambling on about being bitten by a dog when he was younger, but he’d had a complete turnaround when his wife had looked at him with wide eyes and whispered, 'I don’t want to sit here at home alone all day and waste away, Negan.’  He couldn’t stop working to look after her, that wasn’t even an option, and neither could Jess, not with the medical bills that would surely be coming their way, and so he’d turned up with the skinny tabby cat in his arms and placed him gently onto her mom’s lap, and her grin had lit up the room.  The cat had barely blinked an eye, settling himself happily in the nest of her dressing gown, rucked up around her knees, and purring like an engine when she’d stroked a hand over his back.  He’d been imaginatively named 'Cat’ as that seemed to be the only thing he answered to, but he’d gone missing not long after her mom had been admitted to hospital for the last time, as if he’d known that his job there was done.

There were several of Jess and her dad at various ages: when her team won the Little League trophy the year that he’d taken over as coach, her balanced on his shoulders as he held the cup aloft; years later, leaning against the ping pong table that provided many a lazy Sunday afternoon’s entertainment in the garage, Jess’ bottom lip jutting out in a pout as her father crowed over his latest win; and then, looking considerably smarter, him in a suit and her in her gown at her college graduation.  That one could still make her cry when she was feeling particularly vulnerable.  The pride in his eyes as he looked down at her and the oblivious smile on her face as she brandished her diploma…  It summed up their entire relationship in Jess’ eyes and was exactly why she loved her dad so much.  He’d never gone easy on her, constantly pushing her to fight harder, to do better, but when she’d achieved what she was truly capable of, he’d make sure that sense of victory was all hers, cheering her on from the sidelines.  He wasn’t her rock, he was her ladder, lifting her up to reach her full potential, and she knew she wouldn’t have gotten where she had without him.

That was what made all of this so hard.  The apocalypse had changed her father into a man she barely even recognised and, honestly, it scared her more than she’d ever admit.  At first, the shift in what he would and wouldn’t do had been driven by need, to protect her, to keep them both alive, but now it seemed to be motivated by a craving for power and control that made it perfectly acceptable to maim and murder to assert his authority.  He’d crossed so many lines that Jess rarely bothered to draw them anymore, and, though she stood at his side in public, understanding the importance of presenting a united front, behind closed doors she feared that he’d lost himself completely, and that broke her heart.  What would her mom think if she could see him now?  Would he have become this if he’d had his wife by his side?  She couldn’t picture it.  Her mom had been kind to a fault, gentle and forgiving, the perfect balance to her husband’s fiery temper and cocky swagger, and she’d never condone the things he’d done, no matter what the purpose might be.

The crunch of vehicles pulling in to the courtyard outside tore Jess from her reverie and she slipped back down under the covers, turning her face to the wall and focusing on steadying her breathing.  The convoy that had gone out to Alexandria was back and that meant that her Dad would be checking in on her as soon as he’d organised the unloading of whatever supplies they’d returned with.  The evening would run far smoother if he believed that she was finally getting the rest she so badly needed and, sure enough, when she heard her door creak open and the soft thud of his footsteps across the floor towards her, they were followed by a sigh of relief as he stood over her, apparently, sleeping form.

'That’s my girl,’ he murmured, reaching down to smooth her hair back from her face, just as he used to do when she was a kid.  ‘Sleep tight, sweetheart.’

 

* * *

 

As the sun began to sink lower in the sky, Jess slipped from her bed and hurriedly got changed, tugging on a clean pair of jeans and a soft, v-neck sweater, before pulling on her boots.  The halls were quiet, most of the community gathered in the canteen for dinner, and she found it as easy as she’d predicted to creep from the building undetected.  This wasn’t the first time that she’d escaped the compound and, though she’d had some close calls, she hadn’t been caught yet.

In the far corner of the yard, at the rear, a section of wire had been cut, the ends twisted together to prevent any errant corpses from forcing their way through, and she undid them with a speed that only came from practice and the urgency to get where she was going, her heart racing in her chest as she eased her way through the gap and into the outside world.  She secured her exit, before casting a final look around and disappearing into the trees.  

It was still light enough to find her way easily, and she strode along with confidence, the weight of the holster on her hip and the tough survival skills she’d had to learn letting her excitement outweigh her fear of what might be lurking in the shadows.  She didn’t have far to go, and, sure enough, a mile down the road, a truck was pulled up against the verge, the engine idling.  Jess broke into a run at the familiar sight, yanking open the door and practically falling inside in her hurry to greet the driver.  Her fingers tangled into soft, dark curls, coarse scruff scraping against her chin as she melted into his kiss, breathing him in for a moment before she pulled away to speak.

‘God, Rick, I missed you.’

The sheriff smiled, reaching over to rest a hand on her knee, sending the butterflies in her stomach wild with a simple touch.  'I missed you, too.’


	2. Chapter 2

‘You get away alright?’  Rick glanced over at Jess as he drove, one hand resting atop the steering wheel, the fingers of the other laced loosely through hers as he navigated the winding back roads.  The light was fading fast now that the sun had set, casting the cab of the truck into shadow, but she could still make out the anxiety that played over his features.  ‘Nobody saw you sneaking out?’

‘You think I’m that much of an amateur?’ she countered, raising an eyebrow and revelling in the small smile that her attitude pulled from him.  ‘I’m an old-hand at this now, remember?  I’m like a damn ninja or something.’

He scoffed and shook his head, adjusting his grip on her hand so that their palms met.  ‘So, you’re okay?’

‘I’m fine, I promise.’

‘You know, I worry.  What would happen if Negan found out, what he would do to you if-’

‘He wouldn’t do anything, Rick,’ she insisted.  ‘Not to me, at least.  I’m his daughter.  He’d never hurt me.’

‘You’re sure about that?’

‘I am.’  It wasn’t a lie.  Despite her concerns about the man her father had become, he’d never laid a finger on her and Jess somehow knew that he never would.  He was too inclined to treat her as if she was still that little girl that wobbled on his shoulders at the end of a softball match, all chubby cheeks and gaps in her teeth.  What he might do to Rick, on the other hand, for violating his baby was a different matter.  ‘Trust me, you would be the one at risk, not me.’

‘Yeah, well, it’s a risk I’m willing to take,’ Rick told her, decisively, clearing his throat before he went on.  ‘Besides, we’re almost ready.  We’ve been talking to people, other communities that Negan’s taken from, building an army.  Soon, we’ll have the numbers we need, the weapons… And we can end this.’

Jess swallowed hard.  ‘Which communities?’  As Rick’s brow creased, his grip on the wheel tightening, she shook her head, backtracking.  ‘Forget it, I don’t wanna know.  I’m not gonna get caught up in the middle of this.  You know I can’t.’

‘I know.’  His expression softened.  ‘You know I never wanted it to be this way.  I hate that this is hurting you.’

‘It’s just complicated.’  And it was.  More than he knew, more than anyone else knew at that moment in time, and it weighed heavy on her shoulders as Rick turned off of the road onto a narrow dirt track that cut through the trees.  ‘I mean, I don’t agree with everything he’s done, you know I don’t.  He always takes things too far and people get hurt, or killed. But… he’s still my dad.’

‘I get that.’

Her chest heaved with a heavy sigh.  ‘And you’ve taken from us too, Rick.  I had friends at the satellite outpost, people I’d known for… for a long time.  And you killed them before you even really knew who we were.  And I don’t blame you.  Our reputation made us a threat and I know you were just looking out for your family, but… That’s not how Dad sees it.’

‘I get that, too.  You know I’d change it if I could.’

‘I know.’  Jess twisted in her seat reaching over to cup his face, even as he kept his gaze levelled on the path he followed.  ‘And it doesn’t change how I feel.  I love you, Rick.  I didn’t mean for this to happen, for any of this, but… it’s happened now, and you make me happy.  I don’t want to give this up.’

A shadowy shack rose up out of the gathering gloom, and Rick finally rolled the truck to a stop, shutting off the engine so he could focus his attention fully on her.  ‘You won’t have to, I promise.  I’ll find a way to make this work.  I don’t know how yet, but I will.’

His eyes danced over Jess’ features as she nodded, only half believing what he was saying when he had no idea of just how much of a mess they’d created.  ‘We’ll see.’

‘You look tired.’

‘I am.’

‘This is too hard on you.  I’m sorry.’

‘I’m okay.’  She ran a hand through her hair, peering out through the windshield to check the immediate area was clear, before easing open her door.  ‘Let’s just get inside, c’mon.  I wanna show you just how much I missed you and the clock’s already counting down.’

‘Is that right?’  Sliding from his seat and out into the night, Rick rounded the truck and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest so he could press soft kisses down the side of her neck.  ‘Well, you’re not gonna catch me arguing with that.’

 

* * *

 

Despite the heat that simmered between them, practicalities had to come first, and Jess let herself into the cabin cautiously, checking for any movement in the gloom.  It was exactly as they’d left it, empty and neglected, consisting of just one long room with a small fireplace in the centre of the back wall.  Its familiar woody smell only increased her sense of homecoming as Rick quickly swept the area, and she went to work getting a fire going and pulling a pile of blankets from the cupboard in the corner, spreading them out over the dusty floorboards and dropping down to lay on her back, staring up at the cobwebs that zigzagged across the ceiling.  They’d found it not long after her and Rick had started meeting in secret, and it had quickly become their little haven away from the rest of the world, a place where they could be together freely and escape the madness.  It wasn’t much but it was all they needed when they had each other, and the stolen moments they shared more than made up for the spartan surroundings.

She lifted her head when Rick finally stepped inside, closing the door behind him and sliding the bolt into place with a loud clunk.  ‘All clear.’

‘Good.’  Jess watched as his deft fingers unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a thin, white t-shirt beneath, desire stirring in her stomach when he shot her an almost predatory look. Reaching out her arms for him, she sighed contentedly when he settled himself on top of her, their limbs tangling as he planted a forearm either side of her head.  ‘Well, if you’re sure we’re 100% walker-free, then maybe we can get down to what we actually came here for.’

He feigned confusion, rolling on to his side and drawing her with him, a large hand skimming over her hip.  ‘Yeah, sure.  What did you wanna talk about?’

She smacked at his chest playfully, eliciting a low growl that rumbled through his body and into hers.  ‘Shut up, Grimes.  You know what I mean.  We’ve done enough talking.’

They hadn’t, not nearly enough actually, and the secret that Jess carried, one among many, burned in her chest, but she wasn’t ready yet.  She’d waited far too long for this moment, to finally lose herself in the feelings that Rick, only Rick, could evoke, and she needed to revel in that a little while longer before she dropped the bombshell that would crack their fragile peace apart.

Now, as his weight settled on top of her once more, fingers tangling in her hair as his lips attacked her throat, she let her eyes close, running on pure sensation alone as her hands slid beneath his shirt, smoothing over the firm planes of his back.  At first, the sneaking around had heightened the intense pleasure that he had the power to unleash within her, the danger of the illicit love affair like something out of the sort of trashy romance novel she’d read in her teenage years, but now it was the little things that made her come undone:  the sinful groans that fell from his lips as her hands wandered the corded muscles that shifted beneath his skin; the scrape of his beard as he dipped his head to taste her, the slight scratchy pain contrasting sharply with the soft satisfaction of his mouth’s exploration; that moment where it felt like she had electricity coursing through her, setting her alight, right before she tumbled over the precipice and felt the world shatter around her.  At some point, lust had shifted into love, respect and an unbridled need, and that was far better than the thrill of secrecy that had quickly lost its shine.

When Rick’s movements slowed above her and he adjusted his position, rising up onto his knees and pulling her with him, he supported her weight as he rested deep within her. One large hand stroked over the curve of her waist, the callused rub of his thumb over the flesh of her stomach taking her breath away.  For a heart-stopping moment, her mouth dropped open, and she nearly spoke, nearly whispered the truth that she wasn’t yet ready to reveal, but then, with a devilish glint in his eye, he gave one sharp jolting thrust, and she was lost to him all over again.

 

* * *

 

‘You hungry?’

The fire had died down to a dull glow in the grate, but neither Jess nor Rick had been able to work up the energy or desire to move to build it up again.  They lay curled together, drawing the only warmth they needed from each other, limbs heavy with the aftermath of their bliss.  The growling of Jess’ stomach had interrupted their quiet closeness though, and now Rick pushed himself up on one elbow to look down at her.

‘I could eat,’ she admitted.  ‘Do we have any food within reach?’

‘’Fraid not.’  He fixed her with a crooked smile and leaned down to press a soft kiss to her forehead.  ‘C’mon, we’ll do it together.’

It was a comfortable routine, padding around the cabin with blankets wrapped around them, Jess coaxing the fire back into life as Rick bent to retrieve two tins of soup from his pack, and a heavy cast iron pot from the same cupboard that had housed the throws which now kept the chill away.  When he sank back down at her side, he passed one of the cans over, and they each went to work with their knives, cutting them open and pouring the contents into the pot, before covering it with the lid and balancing it amongst the flames.

Jess watched the meal cook in silence for a moment before huffing out a soft sigh.  ‘I wish you’d let me bring dinner sometimes.  We- The Sanctuary has so much.  I hate the thought that I’m taking food from your people.’

‘It’s all Negan’s anyway, right?’ Rick shot back with a shrug.  ‘What’s mine is his.  It’d end up in the back of one of your trucks before anyone in Alexandria got a look in.’

Again, the cabin fell silent, and Jess shifted against the wooden floor, drawing her knees up in front of her and wiggling her toes, the light from the fire dancing over her skin.  The heat prickled at her shins, only intensifying the cold that had just taken ahold of her heart.

‘I’m sorry,’ Rick said at last, reaching for her hand, squeezing her fingers tightly in the space between them.  ‘I didn’t mean… I know this isn’t your fault.’

‘I know.’

‘We just keep having the same conversation over and over, don’t we?  How this can work, how we can get through this.  I’m going to war, Jess, against your father, and I don’t know-’

‘I know.’  She sucked in a shaky breath, steeling herself for a moment, her voice tentative as she offered, ‘I’ve got something else we can talk about, if you want.’

‘Hold that thought.’  Rick gathered his discarded shirt up from the floor at his side and wrapped it around his hand, removing the pan from the flames and nodding to Jess to fetch the mugs from the shelf on the wall.  ‘Time to eat.’

The mugs were formed from thick clay, glazed in terracotta that had been chipped around the edges over the years, and Jess’ sat with a comforting weight in her hands as she cupped it against her chest, blowing cool air across the surface of her soup.  The steam twirled up in front of her face and she took a small sip, tongue snaking to out to catch a scalding drip that clung to her lip.  She hummed in contentment.  It had been a long time since breakfast.

‘So, what did you wanna talk about?’ Rick asked, tearing her from her quiet appreciation of the food, and she almost choked, shaking her head, fighting to keep her expression nonchalant.

‘Oh, I… I don’t remember.’

‘Really?’  His eyes narrowed as they raked over her face.  ‘Sounded serious.’

‘Nah.’  She took another mouthful, buying herself a few precious seconds as she swallowed it down.  ‘I was, um,  just gonna make a joke, I think.  Lighten the mood.  I don’t like thinking too much about all of this, what we’re doing, you know that.  You make me happy.  I love you.  I know you love me.  I have to try to keep that separate in my head from everything else.  I can’t do it any other way.’

Except that soon, very soon, she was going to have to find a place for their relationship in her reality before matters were taken out of her hands.  And the consequences of that were more than she could bear to think about.

 

* * *

 

‘You alright if I leave you here?’  Rick had rolled his truck to a halt maybe a quarter of a mile away from the Sanctuary’s fences, having driven by the light of the moon to avoid the vehicle’s lights revealing his presence.  He’d been protective from the start, unwilling to let Jess wander the quiet back roads alone in the darkness, and she’d been grateful, despite the risk she knew he was taking.

‘I’ll be fine,’ she assured him now, leaning across so she could pull him in for a final kiss.  They hadn’t spoken much more following their meal, choosing instead to spend the rest of the night melded together, content just to feel each other, hold each other, until it was time to go.  Back at the start they would have talked for hours, sharing stories of their lives before.  Rick told her about Carl, about his late wife and the new little life he was now responsible for.  And Jess had told him about her mom, the family they used to be, and how sometimes she couldn’t breathe when she thought about how far they’d fallen.  But, as her dad had stepped up his torment of Rick and, in return, the sheriff had begun to draw his plans against Negan, it seemed harder somehow, and, though she reassured him that she was okay, in truth she found herself torn in two more and more. Still, she found that she couldn’t stay away, constantly wishing for longer at Rick’s side, in his arms. Since things had gotten serious between them, they’d managed to sneak away together once every week or so, but it never seemed like enough, and it hurt a little more every time she had to say goodbye.  ‘Same time next week?’

‘Might have to push it back a day.  That okay with you?’

‘I’ll make it work.’

‘Good.’  She knew he could feel her reluctance to leave and he snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her closer for a second so he could bury his face in her hair and breathe her in.  ‘Look after yourself, okay?  If you need anything-‘

‘I know where you are,’ she finished for him, shooting him a sad smile as he released her, before she reached for the door handle and let herself out into the night.  ‘Stay alive, Rick, okay?  I need you.’

‘I will.’

He sounded so sure, so steady, that she couldn’t help but be glad that she had him to hold on to through everything that was going on. Still, she couldn’t quite manage to swallow down the lump in her throat as she watched him drive away.

 

* * *

 

Back in her room as the first light of dawn crept in through her window, Jess kicked herself, cursing her own cowardice.  It had been a magical night, just as every night with Rick was, and she’d let herself get caught up in it, finding that his close proximity swept her away each time she’d almost worked up the courage to be honest with him about what they’d done, what they’d created.  He needed to know.  She needed him to know.  And yet, she was so terrified of what that single truth could bring down on both of their heads that she just couldn’t force the words from her throat.  When it was just the two of them in the cabin, locked away from the rest of the world, she could pretend it wasn’t happening, could pretend that things were still relatively simple.  But now, as the harsh light of day stole over the room, the dream faded away, and her hand drifted to her stomach, caressing her skin as though her touch could be felt by the new life inside.

‘Oh, baby.   I don’t have a clue what we’re gonna do.’


	3. Chapter 3

Jess could hear footsteps in the corridor outside of her room, the click-clack of heels against the concrete as one of her father’s wives made her way to his room.  It was Thursday, so no doubt it would be Amber that had been called upon to join him for dinner in Jess’ absence.  It should probably bother her that her father had a harem of women at his beck and call, most of whom weren’t much older than she was, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care about much anymore.  Not much, except…

Her hand skimmed over her stomach, still relatively flat for the moment, though she could feel a telltale firmness that hadn’t been there before, the skin stretched a little tighter than usual.  Her baby.  It was deep inside her right now, a tiny little bean, growing and developing into a new life that she would hold in her arms.  And what sort of life would that be?  It didn’t stand thinking about.  A father and grandfather at war.  A mother caught in the middle.  A world where the dead roamed, and the only safe place was behind high fences and concrete walls.  The thought sickened her, as did the split-second of regret that followed.

She hadn’t meant to get pregnant.  It wasn’t something that she’d ever really factored into her life plans, even before the world went to hell, but these days contraception was hard to come by.  Only the doctor had a small supply which he would dish out sparingly to those in need but, if it became known that she’d been one of the lucky few, it would have raised a whole army of eyebrows and even more questions.  So, they’d had to take the risk.  She’d tried to make the dates work in her head, counting the days of her cycle, but when the nights that they had together were so precious and few, sometimes the numbers just didn’t come into play.  Well, she was paying the price for that now.

She knew she had to tell Rick.  She had to.  Just the knowledge that she had his support, which she undoubtedly would have, might quiet the doubts in her mind, maybe allow her an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep.  But it would bring his world crashing down too, and it hurt her to have to do it.  She wasn’t the only one keeping secrets, after all.  Nobody knew about the two of them.  It had been that way right from the start.

 

* * *

_Jess’ legs ached as she crouched amongst the undergrowth, trusting the shadows cast by the trees overhead to hide her presence from the guards she could see keeping watch, only just visible over the community’s walls.  Alexandria. It had been easier to find than she’d thought, and that only spurred her on, keeping her moving forwards even when her instincts were screaming at her to go back, to go home. It was stupid to even consider reaching out to the group that her father had terrorised so mercilessly only a couple of days ago.  God only knew what he’d do to her if he found out that she’d been here. But, after the traumatic display of violence that he’d unleashed in the clearing that night, Jess felt like she had to do something, anything, to make it up to these people. They seemed different to some of the others under the Saviors’ control. Their leader, Rick, wasn’t living in a dream world like the King, or a conniving snake like Gregory. No, from what she’d seen as she watched on in horror, he seemed like a reasonable man just trying to protect his family.  And she could deal with that._

_Jess had been watching for a couple of hours, working up the nerve to show herself, to make her approach.  She was sure it wouldn’t go down well, despite the fact that she was alone and armed only with a knife. She’d left her sidearm in the car that she’d parked up a mile or so down the road, not wanting to cause any more alarm than was necessary.  Her calf muscles twitched as she prepared to push herself upright, afraid of stalling any further and losing the light that she’d need to find her way back to the security of the Sanctuary’s fences, but before she could move, the gate slid back with a loud metallic clang, and a solitary figure emerged, stalking into the forest without a backwards glance. Rick._

_Debating with herself for only a moment, she slipped back from the roadside into the trees, heading in his direction, keeping her footfall light as her eyes searched for any sign of movement.  If she could speak to the leader one-on-one, she might actually stand a chance of him hearing her out, and that was what she’d come here for after all, wasn’t it?_

_A loud grunt had her ducking behind a bush, though she still caught sight of the sheriff as he drove his fist into the thick trunk of the gnarled old tree that he leant against, one hand propping him against the rough bark as he shook fresh blood from the other.  She continued to watch as he dropped to his knees, bowing his head, his body shaking as though he were fighting to hold it together. Her heart went out to him. Jess knew grief, and she knew fear, and that overwhelming feeling of the world around you spiralling out of control.  She couldn’t bear to see his pain so blatantly on display, and, before she knew it, she’d stepped from her hiding place, drawing his watery eyes from the ground to fix on her, his expression hardening immediately as he rose to his feet._

_‘I know you.  You were in the clearing that night.’  His tone was harsh and unfeeling, and she physically recoiled as his hand came to rest on his holster.  ‘What are you doing here? Did Negan send you?’_

_‘No.  He doesn’t know I’m here. I shouldn’t be here.’_

_‘Then why are you?’_

_Jess swallowed hard, taking a careful step forward, though he backed off, wanting to keep some distance between them.  ‘I wanted to apologise. For what happened. I-I didn’t realise it was going to go down like that. I didn’t know…’ It sounded so pathetic now that the words were actually falling from her lips.  What good was an apology when two of his people were dead, their blood staining the ground of an empty clearing, miles from where they stood? ‘I’m sorry. Is your son okay?’_

_Rick didn’t answer, his face unflinching, refusing to give anything away as he continued to glare at her.  ‘You one of his lieutenants?’_

_‘I’m his daughter.’ His gun was suddenly free of its holster and levelled at her face, his finger hovering over the trigger as she brought her hands up in front of her.   ‘Whoa, okay. I get it. I know what you’re thinking. Yeah, you could come at me now, overpower me, drag me back to Alexandria and use me as leverage. But… You killed our people too, remember? A lot of them. You’re trying to protect your family, I get that, and if you take me back with you, my Dad- he’ll tear your community apart.’_

_The sheriff’s eyes narrowed.  ‘So, what? I should let you go because he’ll kill me if I don’t? What’s to stop me from just putting my knife through your skull right here?’_

_‘What would be the point?’  Jess’ voice shook, but she forced herself to stand firm, squaring her shoulders and drawing herself up to her full height, even though she felt two inches tall._

_‘It would sure as hell make me feel better.  To make him hurt like we’re hurting.’_

_‘I’m sorry.’  She could see that she was getting nowhere, and she knew now that coming here had been a mistake.  Of course it had. The man before her didn’t want reason, he wanted vengeance. Everything was still too fresh, too raw, and she was the enemy.  ‘I feel like me being here is just making things worse. I shouldn’t have come. I just… I wanted to talk. I’m sorry.’_

_‘And what exactly did you imagine we’d have to talk about?’  The hand that wasn’t pointing a gun at her balled into a fist at Rick’s side, and he grimaced as it pulled on his bloodied knuckles._

_Jess nodded at his injury, moving closer once again, noticing that this time he allowed her to approach, even as the muscles in his arms tensed beneath his shirt.  ‘You’re hurt.’_

_‘I’m fine.’_

_She reached for his arm, intending to inspect the wound but he pulled it away before she could make contact.  ‘Let me-‘_

_‘I said I’m fine.’_

_With a huff of frustration, Jess cast her gaze skywards, her brow creasing when she saw how much the light had faded in the short time that they’d been talking.  ‘Okay. Look, you don’t trust me. I get it. I wouldn’t trust me either if I were you. But I’m asking you to take a chance. I’m not my father. Maybe… maybe I can help.’  Silence. Nothing to suggest that he might believe her, even a tiny bit. ‘I need to get back but, please, meet me. There’s an abandoned farm, maybe twenty miles east of here.  I’ll be there beneath the silo at noon the day after tomorrow. Alone._ _Please, Rick, we can fix this without any more death, I’m sure of it. Just give me a chance.’_

 

* * *

 

She’d been so scared of him that first time they’d met.  He’d looked almost feral, with his emotions spiralling out of control behind those cold, judgemental eyes, long fingers flexing against his gun.  There had been more than a moment when she’d thought he may well just kill her, that she’d gotten him wrong, that maybe he wasn’t better than any of the others her father had cut down and brought under his reign.  But he hadn’t.  And when she’d turned up at the old silo ready to wait for as long as it took, he’d already been there, watching out for her.  He’d been edgy, of course, suspicious, but the very fact that she was alone, as she’d said she’d be, had begun to win him over.

They hadn’t talked about much that first time, skirting around the difficult subjects.  She’d been unwilling to give too much away about the Sanctuary, and he’d been stony silent on the subject of his community.  So, instead, they’d talked about the state of the world, how they’d come to be where they were, near-misses and epic battles for survival.  They’d each left there with a little more respect for the other, and Jess had laid awake that night picturing his face, the way his hands moved as he spoke, and his bow-legged walk, wondering how she could coax more out of him.

Looking back now, she thought she’d known even then that he was the one.  She’d felt a connection, something she couldn’t explain, and he must have too, whether he would admit it or not.  After all, he’d kept coming back, even when it became clear that the violence wasn’t something that she had the power to stop.

 

* * *

_Jess cursed as she threw her truck into park, almost falling out of the door in her urgency to reach the meeting place, her eyes picking Rick out beneath the silo as he paced back and forth.  A part of her was surprised that he’d waited, if she was honest. She’d never been late before, and she was sure that would ring alarm bells for the sheriff. Still, as she strode towards him, the look on his face was of concern, not annoyance._

_‘You’re late.  I was about to give up on you.’_

_‘I’m here now, aren’t I?’  There was an edge to her tone, and she saw him react to it, his expression hardening as he took in her agitated state.  ‘I said I would be and I am.’_

_‘Something wrong?’_

_His hands were on his hips, his eyes following her as she turned her back on him, taking a moment to compose herself, though anger still simmered beneath her skin, making every word she spoke sound poisonous and deceitful.  ‘No, I’m fine.’_

_‘Jess-‘_

_‘I said I’m fine.’  Rick shook his head, clearly tiring of her attitude pretty quickly, though he made no move to leave.  Jess appreciated that, even as she fought to control her temper. Over the past few weeks they’d met several times, and they’d built up some form of trust. They’d even laughed together a few times, which she never would have imagined happening back at the start, but the more they’d talked, the more she’d become convinced that this was a decent man that she was dealing with.  More than that, it was a man that she’d grown undeniably attached to, that she sometimes felt more for than she’d ever admit, even to herself, she was sure. ‘I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I just… Oh God.’_

_Unable to expel her anger by screaming and shouting, instead, Jess’ resolve crumpled and she found that she was crying, ugly tears spilling from her eyes and trickling down her cheeks._

_‘Hey, hey, what’s wrong?’ Rick’s large hand came to rest on her shoulder, squeezing gently but, when she found herself unable to speak, he opened his arms, beckoning her into his embrace and cradling her against his chest.  ‘C’mere.’_

_It felt strange to be held by Rick, foreign and slightly awkward at first, but as his fingers stroked down the length of her spine, strong and reassuring, she buried her face in the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply.  Her nerves settled immediately, her sobs slowing though her tears continued to dampen his shirt, and a new warmth flickered to life in her stomach, unsettling her as much as it comforted her.  Because it only confirmed beyond all reasonable doubt that this was a good guy that was holding her, trying to ease her pain, the man with the dark curls that begged her to tease her fingers through them, and the intense eyes that she was sure could see right to her core.  And that made her father the bad guy.  It was a hard reality to face and her anger flared again._

_Jess pulled away.  ‘He’s lost his mind. I swear, he never used to be like this, but he’s… He’s like a completely different person and I don’t think I can just stand by and… Shit.  I shouldn’t be talking to you about this.’_

_Rick was frowning at her, caught between prying for more information and worrying for her, this girl that had somehow drawn him in, even when she was the absolute last person that he should trust.  ‘It’s okay.’_

_‘No, no, it’s not okay!  My dad, he kills people, Rick!  Good people! And I told myself that it was okay because he was doing it to protect me, to protect everything he’s built, but I don’t think that’s the case anymore!’_

_She’d begun to pace as she ranted, venting her fears to the only person she could talk to on the outside, and Rick moved towards her again, offering his strength to keep her going. ‘Hey-‘_

_She wasn’t done yet.  ‘He enjoys it, Rick! I saw it written all over his face today!  He gets off on the high, the power! My dad… He’s my dad!’ She was shouting now, losing control, putting them both at risk if there were any walkers within earshot that might be drawn in by the noise, and she finally let him pull her into him again, one hand coming up to stroke over her hair as she sniffled against his collar.  ‘None of this is right! None of what he’s doing is right, but I don’t know how to- what to do, what to say! I don’t know how to bring him back to me!’_

_‘You need to calm down.’  Rick’s voice was kind, but it held a hint of warning too, no doubt because he was concerned for their safety.  However, it only riled her more in her emotional state._

_‘No!  You have no idea what I need!  I need… I need to…’ She didn’t know what she needed, what she wanted.  She didn’t know what she was doing there at all, but when Rick’s eyes locked on hers, she moved on pure instinct, fisting his shirt in her hand and dragging him down to her level so she could capture his lips with hers.  It was a messy kiss, salty with tears and sloppy with urgency, and it wasn’t long before he was pushing her away, dragging his hand over his mouth as he eyed her warily._

_‘No.  Jess, we can’t.’_

_His rejection stung her, the heat of the kiss mingling with the rage in her blood, and bringing it to the boil.  ‘Why the hell not? Because my dad wouldn’t like it?’_

_She was spoiling for a fight, taking her temper out on him, and Rick kept his tone soft as he sought to explain.   ‘No, because I won’t take advantage when you’re in this state. You’re not thinking straight. You’re only kissing me to hurt him.’_

_‘No, that’s not- that’s not true.’_

_‘Are you sure about that?’_

_‘I…’  She hesitated for a moment, visibly deflating as she probed tentatively at her feelings. She could taste Rick on her tongue, feel the length of his body pressed to hers, and she nodded with certainty.  ‘Yes, I’m sure.  I… That’s not what this is.’_

_‘I’m not gonna be your way of punishing him.’_

_‘I’m not.’_

_‘Jess-’_

_‘Rick, please!’  She sounded desperate, needy, even to her own ears, and she hated that. But suddenly, the sheriff had come to represent everything that the Sanctuary wasn’t, everything her father wasn’t, and she’d never needed that more._

_‘Look, I’m sorry that you’re upset.  I’m sorry that… that Negan isn’t the man you thought he was.  But I have to think about my family, my people-‘_

_‘And I’m not one of them.’_

_He was frowning, his exasperation escaping him in a soft sigh.  ‘Jess-‘_

_‘No, I thought… I thought we had… something.  I don’t know. I thought I could rely on you.’_

_‘You can.’_

_‘Apparently not.’_

_Rick’s hand reached for hers, dwarfing it as he laced their fingers together, eyes combing her face as her gaze locked on the spot where they were joined.  ‘Look, next time, okay?  I promise. You still want me next time, I won’t push you away.’_

_It was something.  Not what she needed right then, but something.  Her anger had ebbed away leaving her feeling drained and confused, and she couldn’t understand why he was offering himself up to her and pushing her away all at the same time.  Surely he either wanted her or he didn’t.  ‘Why?’_

_‘Because then I’ll know this is about us and not him.  That’s the only way I can do this.’_

_She nodded slowly.  ‘I understand what you’re saying.’_

_‘Do you?’_

_‘I do.’_

 

* * *

 

Of course, she’d still wanted him the next time.  She’d fallen into his arms the second he’d arrived, carding her fingers into his hair so she could kiss away any protestations he might make, but, when she’d finally broken away, he was smiling, a lazy grin that had set a low flame alight in her stomach.  From that moment on there’d been a thousand stolen moments, fleeting kisses, desperate hours spent wrapped around each other, and it hadn’t been long before she’d realised that she was completely under his spell.  She’d loved him fiercely before she’d even truly known him, but each new discovery only made her love him more.

She found herself drawn to his honesty, the way he cared for his people, his need to protect everybody, no matter what it took, what the cost might be.  He had an integrity that she hadn’t known still existed in this world until she’d found it within him, and it gave her hope that things wouldn’t always be this way, even as they were forced to hide from the ones they loved.  It was worth it.  It had always been worth it.

But now…  Now everything was different, and Jess wondered whether the cost might be too high.  Rick already had children, two of them, though he feared that Judith wasn’t really his, she knew.  But to add another to the mix, and the daughter of his enemy… She’d asked so much of him already, but this might be too much.

 

* * *

_The light of the fire danced over Rick’s skin, casting an orange glow over his dusky tan, and Jess’ fingers followed the pattern, tracing over his chest in a bid to outline the flickering flames.  It was warm in the cabin, and they’d cast aside the blankets they’d covered themselves with, basking in the heat and in the closeness of each other.  Finding this place had been a win and the privacy was something they were still relishing for the moment._

_Or so Jess thought._

_She felt it the second that Rick decided to speak.  His muscles tensed, arm hardening beneath her head where it cushioned her against the wooden floorboards, and she heard his breath catch in his throat as he considered his words._

_‘We’re going to war, Jess.  Now we’ve got Daryl back, there’s nothing stopping us from moving against Negan.’_

_She’d been expecting it, if she was honest.  Her father had spent most of the past few days raging about losing his prisoner, unable to believe that the archer had somehow managed to sneak out of a heavily guarded compound and disappear completely.  She knew he’d been to Alexandria, searching, and that Simon had been tasked to go to Hilltop, but so far there’d been no sign of him.  She didn’t doubt that he’d found his way back to his people, though she hadn’t asked, but now Rick’s declaration confirmed it._

_‘I get it.’_

_‘Say something.’  Rick rolled onto his side, propping his head on his hand so he could fix her with a pleading look.  He wanted her to be okay with this, she knew it.  But she couldn’t be.  No matter how much she might disagree with her dad’s actions, he was still her dad, and she couldn’t be okay with anything that might put him at risk._

_‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’_

_‘Tell me how you’re feeling.  I know this must be hurting you.  It’s not easy for either of us.’_

_‘I don’t blame you.  I mean, the way my dad… the way he’s treated you.  I knew this was coming.’_

_He nodded, ducking his head to press a soft kiss to her shoulder, breathing her in, as if just the scent of her gave him the strength to go on.  ‘Jess, when this thing goes down, you might have to pick a side.’_

_She shut him down immediately.  ‘I can’t.’_

_‘But-‘_

_‘I can’t, Rick!  How can I? You’re seriously gonna make me choose between you and my family?’  His expression clouded with guilt, and she couldn’t stop herself from reaching up to smooth it away, hating that it was her eliciting these feelings from him.  This wasn’t his fault, or hers.  It was just a complication that they’d have to get through, and the only way she could do that was by stepping back and letting it happen.  ‘No, I can’t do that. Negan is my father and the Sanctuary is my home. But I love you, and I can’t just walk away from that either.’_

_‘So, where do we go from here?’_

_‘Do what you have to do.  I can’t stop you. I won’t ask you to live like you have been for me.  Just… don’t kill him, okay?’  It was a lot to ask, Jess knew.  Her father had killed Rick’s people right in front of him in the bloodiest way possible, had tortured Daryl for endless hours and had made so many already trying lives even more miserable.  But she had to try to protect him, at least. ‘Tear it all down if you have to, burn the damn place to the ground.  But please don’t kill him.’_

_Rick nodded in resignation, and she pulled him close so she could kiss him, trying to let all of the fears now churning in her stomach melt away.   ‘I’ll try.’_

_‘Thank you.’_

 

* * *

 

She had to tell him.  Jess rehearsed the conversation in her head as she tugged on a pair of jeans and slipped a baggy hoody over the top of her tank top, running her fingers through her hair to work out the knots, before shoving her feet into her boots.  Checking her reflection in the mirror, she was conscious of how pale she looked.  Women were supposed to glow, she thought, when they were pregnant, but worry and exhaustion had drawn the colour from her skin and dulled the shine of her eyes.  Rick would notice eventually, she knew, and that would take the choice out of her hands.  Better to jump straight in and let the truth come out.  She couldn’t let her relief at their reunion push the thought to the back of her mind again.

Ready to go, she cast one last glance around her room, taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart.  Tonight.  She’d tell him tonight.  And whatever happened next, she’d stand strong and face it.  She owed it to her child.


	4. Chapter 4

Rick was struck dumb. His mind reeled, replaying those three little words over and over, trying to hear them differently, to make them mean something else, anything else, other than this unbelievable truth.

_Rick, I’m pregnant._

She was watching him as he paced, her eyes following his movements, her body practically vibrating with anxiety as she waited for him to speak. He could feel her tension, her fear, and yet he couldn’t summon up a single idea of what he might say in response.

A baby. Jess was having a baby: his baby. A new little life that the two of them had created with their endless thirst for one another. How had it never occurred to him that this might happen? They’d had a conversation early on when she’d told him that she was counting the days of her cycle so he’d allowed himself to become complacent, assuming that she had things in hand. In all honesty, he’d barely given it another thought. Their time together was so restricted, the moments they shared so special, that he’d allowed her to consume his thoughts, losing himself in her time and time again, and it had been impossible to concern himself with anything but his need to hold her close. And now, this was the consequence.

A small part of him was thrilled.  He couldn’t deny it.  He was doing the best job he could with Carl, the son who had had his childhood turned upside down when the dead had started walking, and again when he’d been forced to put down his own mother, and with Judith, who he knew in his heart wasn’t his, though he loved her as if she was.  But he’d made mistakes, he knew, with both of them.  The apocalypse forced children to grow up fast, too fast, and he hadn’t been there enough, not when they’d needed him.  So, this… It felt like another chance to get things right.  Because this time, he wouldn’t be doing it alone.  He’d have Jess at his side.  Of course, he wanted this with her.  He didn’t doubt that for a second.  She’d be an incredible mother, and he wanted to be there through all of it, supporting her, protecting his new family, building a future for them all.

But the timing… It just couldn’t be worse.  He was about to start a war, with the baby’s grandfather no less, and despite what he’d promised his girl, he knew that one of them would have to die for it to end.  How could he do that when he and Negan were now as good as family?  When they had that tiny little life in Jess’ stomach in common, bonding them, connecting them forever?  But how could he go back to his people, who had lost so much, who needed to feel in control again, and tell them it was over?  He couldn’t do that. 

Jess was still silent, ever patient, though he knew her well enough to feel her resolve crumbling.  Even so, when a choking sob forced its way up her throat, it startled him from his thoughts, and he turned to face her in horror as she fell apart.  Rick closed the space between them in a single pace, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her into his chest, hand reaching up to stroke back her hair as her tears soaked through his shirt.

‘Hey, it’s okay.  It’s okay.  I’m here.’

‘I-I’m so sorry.’

‘Don’t be.  Don’t ever apologise for this, alright?’

‘But you don’t want this.’

‘I…’  He trailed off, realising in that moment that he did want it, more than ever.  ‘Of course, I want this.  It’s just… It’s come as a surprise, that’s all.  I wasn’t expecting it but that doesn’t mean…  It doesn’t mean I’m not happy about it, I swear.  I want you and I want this baby.  I love you, Jess.’

Jess’ shoulders heaved as she struggled to pull herself together.  Rick’s scent filled her nose, and usually that would have calmed her, but now that she’d finally let the truth come out, it all seemed more overwhelming somehow.  ‘But how can this work?  I-I don’t know how to do this!’

‘We’ll do it together.’  He sounded so sure, so solid, just as she’d hoped that he would, and she clung to him, needing him to keep her going, to give her strength.  ‘Whatever comes next, we’ll deal with it.  You and me, together.’

She opened her mouth to voice more of her concerns, but he met it with his, silencing her with a kiss that he intended to reassure her of his commitment, to her and, now, his baby.  He felt her hesitate, too caught up in her worries for a moment to react, but then she melted into him, snaking her arms around his neck to drag him closer.  Her body pressed against his as her tension ebbed away, and he fancied for a moment that maybe she felt a little curvier than before, that maybe he could feel his child growing, a second beating heart beneath her skin.  And then a small whimper escaped her, and he forgot about everything but her flushed skin beneath his fingers and the taste of her on his lips.

‘Rick.’  Jess husked his name, knowing that there was still so much they had to talk about, even as she was working at the buttons on his shirt, eyes locked on his, burning with need.

‘It’s okay,’ he said again, and she believed him, as she finally pushed the fabric off his shoulders and traced patterns across the planes of his chest.  ‘It’s all gonna be okay.’

 

* * *

 

‘What are we gonna do about my dad?’  Jess’ eyes were fixed on the ceiling, the cobwebs that strung between the wooden beams above them, as Rick’s hand rested on her stomach, almost protective as he brushed a soft kiss against her shoulder.  He was looking down at her, head propped up on one arm, and his gaze of contentment hardened slightly as her question brought him crashing back down to earth.  ‘I have to tell him, Rick, and he’s gonna have a lot of questions.’

Rick swallowed hard.  ‘Do you want me to come back with you?  We could tell him together.’

‘No.  I-I don’t think I’m ready yet.’

He sighed, letting his eyes flicker closed for a second, unable to stand the fear and uncertainty in her voice.  He was responsible for that, at least partially, and it was killing him.  ‘You can’t wait much longer.’

‘But-‘

‘I’m about to go to war, Jess, against Negan.  And once I do that, anything could happen.  I don’t want to kill him, I swore to you that I wouldn’t, but I can’t guarantee that it’ll be me that gets to him first.  The only way to get ahead of this now is to stop it before it starts.  Negan needs to know.  My people need to understand why I’m shutting this down.’

‘What if they don’t get it?  What if they get mad that you’ve been lying to them this whole time?  My Dad… he won’t hurt me, but… he’s not gonna like this, Rick.  I mean, he’s gonna… I don’t know what he’ll do.’

A crooked smile quirked one side of Rick’s lips and, if Jess noticed that it didn’t quite reach his eyes, she didn’t mention it.  ‘So, we’ll run away together.  Maybe I could fix this place up.  Build some fences.  We’ll build a new home, just the three of us.  Or the five of us with Judith and Carl,’ he corrected himself, as his thumb stroked over her waist, imagining his family all under the same roof, safe and happy.

‘And the second this kid starts screaming she’ll bring an entire herd down on our asses and they’ll flatten this place in a second.’

‘So, we’ll find somewhere else.  Somewhere better.’  Rick was quick to shut down her concerns.  ‘As long as we’re together.’

He made it sound so simple and, with the fire dancing in the grate, and the silence of the forest around them, his breath hot on her neck as he pulled her closer, Jess could almost believe that it might be.  The important thing, she told herself, was that he still wanted her, wanted to do this with her, to bring his own family along for the ride.  Laying there with his reassuring words grounding her, she almost felt like she could conquer anything.  But then the face of her father floated across her vision, veins pulsing as he ranted, and her heart faltered.  ‘I’m scared, Rick.’

‘You don’t have to be.  I’m gonna keep you safe, I promise.  This is a good thing.  We’ve just gotta get it out there, let people know, and then you’ll see.  It’ll all be okay.’

 

* * *

 

The full moon above them illuminated the road as Rick flicked off his headlights, driving slow as he crept towards the Sanctuary’s perimeter.  His face was half-cast in shadow, but still Jess could see his brow furrowing as he thought.  She knew he’d been insisting that things would work out for her benefit, but as soon as they’d left the security of their cabin, the reality of what they had to do sunk in.  The journey back had been mostly silent, though his hand had rested on Jess’ knee, squeezing it from time to time as if to remind himself why she was worth the trouble that was surely coming his way.

Now, as he rolled the truck to a halt, he sighed deeply.  ‘You’re sure I can’t come inside?’

She shook her head.  ‘I’m sorry, Rick.  I can’t.  Not tonight.’

‘Alright then.’  He drummed his fingers against the wheel, almost in time with her racing heart, and then he looked to her again.  ‘Two days.  That’s as long as I can stall for, Jess.  I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay.  I get it.’

‘I’ll be back here in two days.  I’ll come in daylight and I’ll come alone.  We’ll do this together, like I said.’

‘He’ll kill you.’  The words stuck in Jess’ throat, and a swell of nausea threatened to pull her under, but she fought against it, meeting Rick’s eyes as they narrowed.

‘He can try.  Look, I’ve told you before that you’re worth the risk, and that’s true now more than ever.’  His hand reached for hers, fingers lacing together.  ‘I’m not letting you do this alone.’

As she watched him drive away, Jess wrapped an arm around her tummy, sucking the fresh, night air into her lungs as though it might force her worries out into the darkness.  With Rick by her side, she’d felt supported, at least, less alone.  Now, as she turned to make the short walk back home, she felt like with one wrong move she might shatter, and, as soon as her head hit the pillow, she fell into fitful nightmares of flesh torn by the vicious barbs of wire that wrapped around her father’s weapon and concrete stained red with blood.

 

* * *

 

The numbers blurred in front of Jess’ eyes as she sat in the canteen the following afternoon, trying to focus on the inventory lists that were spread across the table next to her lunch, which remained untouched.  She was desperately trying to keep her brain occupied, to stop it from dwelling on what was to come, what she had to do and what that might mean for her relationship with Rick and her father, but trying to concentrate was proving futile.  Instead, she let her mind drift, imagining herself back in Rick’s arms, trying to summon up some kind of excitement for the next time she would see him, but instead, for the first time, all she could feel was a sickening sense of dread.

She jolted when the chair opposite her was dragged back from the table with a teeth-clenching screech, though she forced a smile when Doctor Carson settled himself down in front of her, eying her warily as though unsure of her reaction to his presence. 

‘Hey, doc.  How’s it going?’  Jess tried to keep her tone light, though she could tell by the crease between his eyes that he was noticing the exhaustion writ over her face.

‘Settling in,’ he replied.  This would never be home to him, she knew.  He was at the Sanctuary because he’d been given no choice in the matter, though he seemed to have now resigned himself to that fate, determining to do good wherever he might be.  Now, he leant forward, stretching his hand across the table towards her, the telltale scratch of plastic against wood alerting her to the fact that he was hiding something underneath.  ‘I hope this isn’t too presumptuous of me, but supplies are limited and I thought… I thought you might need these.’

He withdrew his fingers, leaving behind a small pill bottle which Jess snatched up, inspecting it through narrowed eyes.  ‘Pre-natals?  I-I…’

‘I’ve been a doctor for a long time, Jess.  And a father for almost as long.  I know the signs.’

With a huff, she pocketed the pills, before laying her arms on the papers in front of her and burying her face in them.  ‘Shit.’

‘You don’t have to tell me anything, but I might be able to help.’  Carson’s voice was kind.  ‘At a guess I’d say you haven’t been sleeping much.  I’d say you haven’t been eating much either.  It’s not good for you or the baby.’

Cautiously Jess lifted her head, meeting his gaze and finding nothing there but concern.  ‘Have you said anything to anyone else about this?’

‘Of course not.’

‘Because my dad-‘

‘I wouldn’t, I swear.  It’s none of my business.  My only involvement is ensuring that both you and your child are healthy and stay healthy.’

When she nodded slowly, he pushed himself to his feet.  ‘Drop by and see me when you have a few minutes, okay?  We’ll run some tests, make sure everything’s okay in there.  And, Jess…’  He nodded towards her sandwich, raising a brow when she wrinkled her nose.  ‘Eat something.  Please.’

 

* * *

 

The next day, Jess didn’t leave her room.  She couldn’t.  Anxiety churned in her stomach and her limbs felt leaden.  Instead, she sat by the window in her bedroom and stared down at the yard below, the guards on watch, the trucks parked up, ready to be fuelled up for the next supply run, and the road that snaked off and away.  The sun climbed slowly higher in the sky, heading for noon, and still she didn’t move.  Sweat beaded on her forehead and her hair clung to the back of her neck as she wrung her hands together.  Waiting.  Waiting.

It must have been a couple of hours later than she finally  heard a shout, laced with warning and punctuated with the metal clang of the gate sliding back.  She twisted in her seat, squinting against the sun’s glare, to see a familiar figure on his knees, forced down into the dust, as others crowded around him, weapons raised, shouting orders and pulling out cable ties to secure their new prisoner.

A startled gasp left her, though she’d known this moment was coming, and in a heartbeat she was on her feet, rushing from her room, the pounding of her boots on the stairs echoing through the building.  As she neared the hall, she could hear her father’s voice, crowing and brazen as he mocked the sheriff, who Jess could see now was kneeling in the middle of the room, blood seeping from a large gash above his eye.  His gaze was fixed on the floor, his expression vacant, unblinking, but she could tell from the way his arms strained against the fabric of his shirt that his fists were clenched behind his back.  Her mouth went dry at the sight of him, and she froze in place in the doorway, unable to force herself to step foot inside, to face what she knew she had to do.

‘I gotta say, Rick…’  Her dad was pacing back and forth in front of him, swinging Lucille from his fingers, a wide grin splitting his face.  ‘I didn’t imagine you’d give up so fucking easily!  I mean, I’m almost disappointed.  You remember telling me you were gonna kill me?  Not today, not tomorrow?  What in the holy hell happened?’

‘I need to talk to you.’  Rick’s steely glare flicked upwards, and Jess could see the grim determination behind his eyes.  ‘It’s important.’

‘Important?  I’ll tell you what’s important, dick!  You have any idea just how much of a pain in my ass you’ve become?  I mean, I gotta say, I thought the day I had you on your knees in front of me, I’d make a display of it, make you an example.  I’d burn the flesh from your bones in front of everybody just to make sure they’re clear on exactly what happens when you try to go against the new world fucking order.  But now that you’re here, honestly, I think Lucille’s a little thirsty.  My girl here, she don’t wanna wait.  Nah, I think I’m just gonna put an end to this once and for all.’

Jess’ breath caught in her throat as the smooth wood of the baseball bat was raised into the air, her deadly barbs glinting in the light that filtered in through the high windows up above.  Rick was grimacing down below, helpless to do anything to defend himself, and she finally found her voice, throwing herself into the room with a strangled cry.

‘No, stop!’  
  
Negan paused mid-swing, slowly turning his head to take in his daughter’s panicked face, her hands held before her as though she could physically stop him from taking the shot.  ‘Sweetheart, what are you-‘

‘You have to stop!’  Her legs were moving, carrying her instinctively towards Rick, dropping into a low crouch at his side and stroking a hand over his cheek, fully aware of the incredulous glances she was drawing from those around her.

‘Jess,’ her father growled, the sound deep and menacing, and she turned pleading eyes on him, slipping her fingers beneath Rick’s arm to coax him to his feet.  ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’

‘I love him, Daddy, okay?  I love him!’


	5. Chapter 5

‘Out.’  Negan’s voice was low and dangerous as he ordered his men out of the room, his narrowed eyes remaining fixed on Jess as she stood at Rick’s side, one arm still wrapped around him.  ‘Everybody out now.’

The Saviors filed from the room, leaving Jess alone with the two most important people in her life, and she drew herself up tall, squaring her shoulders as she matched her father’s glare.  ‘Dad-‘

‘What the fuck is this?’ Negan asked again when the hall had emptied.  ‘You and this prick? Really?’

‘He’s not-‘

‘How long?’

‘What?’

‘How long have the two of you been sneaking around behind my back?’  His volume was rising as his temper slipped away, and Jess found that her own voice was becoming quieter, less confident with each passing moment until she couldn’t speak at all.

Instead, Rick stepped forward, his hands still bound behind his back, as though shielding Jess from Negan’s wrath.  ‘Since the clearing. Since you killed my people. Your daughter, she came to apologise for you, for what you did. Sought me out.’

‘Rick!’  Jess was stunned by his brutal honesty, and she saw the twitch in her father’s jaw as he ground his teeth together.

‘Is that right?’ Negan growled.  ‘You felt the need to fucking apologise for me, Jess?’

‘No, I-‘

‘Is that was this is, huh?  You’re trying to fucking punish me by sleeping with the enemy?’  He let out a harsh bark of laughter. ‘Shit, can’t say I saw this one coming!  I mean, I know you don’t like what I have to do to keep this place going, but I never thought you’d sink this low.’

‘That’s not what this is,’ Rick interjected.  ‘She’s not-‘

‘You shut your mouth!’ Negan roared, the sharp crack of his knuckles against Rick’s jaw echoing through the hall as he backhanded him across the face, earning a shocked gasp from his daughter as the sheriff spat blood.  ‘This, this is a family matter! You’re not involved!’

‘Yes, he is!’ Jess cried.

‘No!’  Negan turned his back on the sight of the couple in front of him, sucking in a deep breath as he fought to keep himself from finishing what he’d been about to begin when Jess had barrelled into the room.  ‘You had to know I couldn’t let this shit fly! You had to know this was the one fucking betrayal, Jess-‘

‘That what?  That you couldn’t forgive?  Really? After everything you’ve done?’

‘Everything I’ve done has been for your fucking protection.’

‘Really?  You mean sneaking around on Mom?  Cheating on her? Lying to her?’ As soon as the words left her mouth, Jess regretted them.  They hung in the air between them, draining the colour from Negan’s face as he gawped at her, his eyes full of pain.  ‘Look, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean-‘

‘So, that’s what this is, is it?’  Negan’s tone had changed. The rage had dissipated, leaving behind a black hole of hurt and resentment.  ‘Hell, I’ve been there, like you said. I can’t judge. Sneaking around, the illicit affair. That shit’s hot, right?  Makes it all seem a little more fucking exciting. I get it. But, sweetheart-‘

‘No.’ She cast a sidewards glance at Rick who nodded for her to go on, and she moved around him, approaching her father with caution, reaching out a hand to take his.  His skin was cold to the touch, and he flinched at the contact, though he didn’t pull away, even as she pulled his fingers until they rested against her stomach. ‘We’re having a baby.  I’m sorry, I know I should have told you before. But this… this is serious. We’re serious, about each other and about our family. I want you to be a part of that.’

Just as Rick had been two days ago, Negan was stunned into silence.  Jess wasn’t sure she’d ever seen that before. Even when her mom had been given her diagnosis, her father had tried to argue against it, shouting at the doctor until they’d threatened to remove him from the building.  His fingers flexed against her shirt as he stared down at his own hand, covered by hers, seemingly frozen in place.

‘Look, I know this isn’t ideal,’ Jess spoke gently.  ‘I know that a lot of blood’s been spilled on both sides.  And I didn’t mean for this to happen. But I love him, Dad.  I do. He makes me happy and we want to raise this baby together.  But I love you too, and I want you to be a part of my child’s life.  I want you to be a grandfather. But I need you to stop all of this, okay?  It needs to stop now.’

‘I-I can’t just-‘

‘You can.’  Rick had stepped up to Jess’ side, and she reached for the knife on her father’s belt, taking advantage of his dazed state to cut Rick free from the cable ties that bound him.  Immediately she felt his touch on the small of her back, warm and reassuring, and she sucked in a breath as the sheriff went on. ‘It’s not too late. We can end this, all of it.  It doesn’t have to be this way.’

‘You said you were gonna kill me,’ Negan reminded him, fixing him with a pointed look.

‘And I promised her I wouldn’t,’ Rick confessed.  ‘I don’t want this war, not when it means hurting my family.’

‘She’s not your fucking family, asshole.’

‘Yes, I am.’  Jess was tiring of this quickly, already exhausted through lack of sleep and the worry that had been plaguing her for the past few weeks.

‘I’m taking Jess back to Alexandria with me,’ Rick announced.  It was news to Jess, not something that they’d discussed, though she supposed it made sense.

‘Over my dead body.’

‘I’ll take care of her, I promise.  But that’s my baby in there, and I want to be there for all of it, every moment.  I want to be by Jess’ side when she needs me.’

‘You don’t even have a fucking doctor!’

‘Then you better make it possible for a doctor to come visit.  Only you can do that. Carson would come, you know he would. Or, better yet, let him go back to Hilltop, where he’s needed.  It’s not far. I can get Jess there easy enough.’

‘Like you did the widow, you mean?’ Negan spat.  ‘She was in pretty bad shape from what I remember.  Looked like she could’ve done with having a doctor at her beck and call if you ask me.’

‘We would’ve reached Hilltop hours earlier if it hadn’t been for your games,’ Rick pointed out.  ‘Maggie’s suffering, that was on you. I won’t let that happen again.’

‘No-‘

‘Dad, I want this.’  It was true, Jess realised in that moment.  Though the Sanctuary was her home, and had been for long enough that it felt like her place, where she belonged, Rick was more important.  She wanted to be able to wake up next to him every morning, to fall asleep in his arms every night, to slump on the couch with him and laugh as their baby kicked inside of her.  ‘Please.’

‘You’d be welcome, too,’ Rick offered.  ‘With supervision. We’d open our gates to you, let you visit whenever you wanted.  But you’ve gotta call this off. Alexandria, Hilltop and Kingdom, they get their freedom.  We start working together.’

‘Are you threatening me?’  Despite his confrontational words, the fight had gone out of Negan.  He looked beaten, utterly defeated, a little lost, and it pained Jess to see it.

‘It’s not a threat.  It’s a promise.’ Jess turned wide eyes on Rick as he issued his ultimatum.  ‘Either you end this or, I swear, you won’t ever know your grandchild. They won’t hear stories about their grandfather, they won’t even know you exist.  It’s your decision.

As she opened her mouth to argue, Rick shot her a warning look, and suddenly Jess understood what it was that he was doing.  This might not be the intention that they’d entered into this conversation with, but Negan’s attitude, the torn look on his face as soon as he’d found out that she was pregnant, had shown Rick a path that could end the killing right here, right now, and he was taking it. All it relied upon was Negan to not let his stubbornness get in the way.

‘Jess, you feel the same way?’ her father asked, quietly, his face contorting in a grimace when she nodded.

‘I do,’ she whispered, afraid of speaking the words aloud.  ‘I don’t want to bring my child into a world where their father and their grandfather are at war, Dad.  I can’t do it.’

‘Well, alright then.’  Negan sighed, loosening his grip on Lucille so that she slipped through his fingers to rest against the floor.  ‘Guess that’s not much of a fucking choice to make.’

‘It’s not?’  His eyes softened at the confusion writ over his daughter’s face, and he shook his head, reaching out an arm to snake around her waist and pull her against his chest.

‘You’re my number one, doll.  How many times have I fucking told you that?  All of this, it doesn’t mean shit without you by my side.  I-I know I might’ve lost sight of that for a minute there but… Hell, sweetheart, you’re having a baby!  My grandchild! There’s nothing in the world more important than that.’

Rick remained unconvinced.  ‘Make the call. Do it now.’

‘Rick,’ Jess scolded him, quietly, but he was determined.

Negan only hesitated for a beat longer before tugging the walkie talkie from his belt.  His finger rested over the button, a crackle of static punctuating the deep breath he took before he began.  ‘This message goes out to all of you. Everyone at the outposts, everyone on the road, each and every one of you sorry shits that can hear my voice right now.  Return to the Sanctuary. Come now. I’ve got some news and I’m gonna update you just as soon as we’re all together. The new world order, it is a'changin’. Time to bring it on home, fellas.’

The silence that followed was testament to his Saviors’ loyalty, Jess thought.  Not one of them thought to question the command even for a second, and she knew that out there in the Virginian countryside, convoys of trucks would be making U-turns, heading back to the old factory.  How they’d react to the news that they were no longer the top dogs on the food chain may be another matter, but she had faith that her dad could handle it. After all, he’d built the place up. She was more than certain he could tear it back down.

‘Thank you.’  Rick’s words were sincere as he stretched out a hand towards Negan, leaving it hovering in midair as he waited for his oppressor to shake it.  For Negan’s part, he only rolled his eyes a little before he accepted the gesture, and if they both got away without any bones breaking as they each sought to have the stronger grip, then Jess figured it was better than nothing.

‘Thank you, Dad,’ she reiterated, pulling him in for another tight hug, before moving back to Rick’s side and lacing her fingers through his.  ‘This is a fresh start for all of us, I promise.’

* * *

 

As Rick’s beat-up truck sped along the road, winding its way back to Alexandria, a single tear trailed down Jess’ cheek, sparkling in the sunlight that burned through the windscreen.  Her belongings had been hastily packed into a couple of bags that had been slung into the back, and the pre-natal vitamins that Carson had given her were tucked into the front pocket of her jeans.  Saying goodbye to her father had been hard, and she’d wished more than anything that she could take back the harsh words that she’d snapped at him, the history that she’d dragged up to throw in his face, but he’d wrapped her up in his arms when she’d gone to leave, lifting her feet from the floor just as he’d done when she was a little girl, and she knew then that he forgave her.  For everything.

‘You did good back there.’  Rick pulled her from her thoughts with a gentle hand resting on her knee, squeezing when she turned to smile at him, and she covered his fingers with her own.  ‘I was proud of you, standing up to Negan like that.’

‘It sucked,’ she admitted.  ‘But it was worth it. I still can’t believe he actually called his men back, that he’s actually backing down on this.  He’s spent so much time building that system up, I didn’t think he’d ever let it go.’

‘He must love you.  For his all faults, he proved that today.’

‘I know.’  She sighed heavily, letting her head tip back against the seat as she tried to coax her tense muscles into relaxing.  The worst was over. ‘I guess I’m just wondering what happens next.’

‘We’ll figure that out together.’

* * *

 

_One Year Later…_

The house was full of noise, just as Jess liked it.  Conversation filtered into the kitchen where she stood, chopping vegetables for dinner, the rhythmic click of her knife against the counter dulled by the bubbling of the pots simmering on the hob.  She could hear laughter, deep and rumbling, and, outside on the porch, the delighted squeals of Judith as Carl and Enid let themselves be drawn in to her childish game of make-believe.

In the living room, Negan occupied the armchair, his long legs stretched out before him.  It had suited him, letting his obsession with power and material gain go, and over the past twelve months the laughter lines around his eyes had become deeper, while the furrow in his brow became less and less prominent with each passing day.  It was his laughter that Jess could hear, as he chuckled at his granddaughter, settled in his lap, burbling contentedly as her chubby fingers toyed with one end of his scarf. A bright little thing, as he told everyone he spoke to, she was already so curious about the world around her, and he was looking forward to teaching her all about it when she was old enough to understand.  He shifted her closer to his chest, smiling down into the large hazel eyes that blinked up at him, as nostalgia overwhelmed him. Sometimes she was so like Jess that he felt like he’d slipped back in time to when the world had made sense. He almost expected Lucille to come bustling into the room with a trail of flour smeared across her cheek and an apron tied around her waist.

From across the room, Rick watched his every move, his fingers resting on his holster, subconsciously, still untrusting despite the time that had passed.  Though Negan had been true to his word that day in the factory, when he’d called his men home and put paid to the war that was to start any day, he would always be the man that had killed Glenn and Abraham, whose orders had killed Denise and Olivia.  Just the knowledge that he’d be visiting his grandchild in Alexandria had driven Maggie and Tara to Hilltop, but he couldn’t do anything about that now. He allowed him in his house, for Jess’ benefit and because of the promise he’d made, but he would never consider the man family.  He was the cross that Rick had to bear to make his girl happy.

‘Stop it.’  He’d barely been aware of Jess entering the room until he felt warm arms wrap around his waist from behind, felt her breath on his ear as she whispered to him.  ‘Look at how good he’s being, how good he is with her. He’s trying, Rick.’

Rick grunted, though he knew she was right.  Tearing his eyes away from his daughter for the first time since she’d been deposited in Negan’s arms, he turned in Jess’ embrace to pull her against him, ducking his head to steal a kiss.  She tasted like the sauce she’d been making to go with dinner, and he hummed contentedly against her lips, feeling her own smile in response. She finally broke away with a wink, calling ‘Dinner!’ as she sashayed back out into the kitchen.

A flurry of activity followed and, when she finally sank into her seat at the head of the table, Jess couldn’t help but grin, despite the tiredness that seemed to have wrapped itself around her during the past year of disturbed sleep, family politics and learning how to raise a child.  Her family were gathered around her, hungrily grabbing for the meal that she’d laid out before them, loading their plates with steaming piles of meat and vegetables as they chatted. Negan still had his granddaughter in his arms, and was eating one-handed, talking quietly to her between mouthfuls as she gazed around the table.  Rick was slapping at Carl’s hand as he went back for a second helping before even finishing the first, and Judith was giggling at them, tossing her curls out of her face as she laughed.

She couldn’t help but feel a burst of gratitude and, perhaps, pride for her miracle baby.  Who would’ve thought one little life could achieve so much before she’d even arrived, wrinkled and screaming, into the world?  That one tiny child could bring together a host of communities on the brink of war, begin to repair relationships that had been so badly damaged by bloodshed, soften the grief that had penetrated bone-deep, and inspire a new world order that centred around helping each other, working together to ensure that those that survived could thrive?

She would never have imagined, when she’d been lying on her bed at the Sanctuary, driving herself mad with worry about what she was going to do, how this would all play out, that she’d end up being so incredibly lucky, surrounded by all of these people that she loved so whole-heartedly.  That her child would grow up with this network of support around her. Somewhere, somehow, it seemed that she’d done something right, and her life had grown bigger and better than she’d ever thought it could.

When the meal was finished, and the table had been cleared, Jess found herself alone with her father as she did the dishes, wiping each plate clean and then passing them to him to dry.  He looked happier, she thought, than she’d seen him in a long time, perhaps since her childhood, and that only increased her sense of satisfaction.

Noticing her smile, Negan cocked his head to one side.  ‘What you grinning about there, doll?’

‘Just happy.’

‘Yeah?’  She nodded, and he returned her grin.  ‘Well, that’s damn good to hear, sweetheart.  You’ve done good here. Got a cute little family of your own.  Your mom would be proud of you. Hell, I’m proud of you.’

‘Really?’  She arched an eyebrow, and he scoffed.

‘Okay, I’ll admit that I’d rather it had been with just about anybody but ol’ Rick the prick in there.  But if he makes you happy, who the hell am I to argue, right?’

‘He does.  This does. All of it.’

‘Well, good.’

Finished with their task, Jess went to her father, pulling him into a hug and pressing a kiss to his whiskery cheek.  ‘Thank you, Daddy.’

‘You guys just about done out here?’  Rick interrupted the moment as he strolled into the kitchen.

‘Yep, all finished,’ Jess confirmed, stepping back from her dad and taking the towel from his hands, hanging it over the back of a chair.  ‘Why? You coming out to help?’

‘No.’  Rick smirked.  ‘I was gonna send Carl.’

She slapped at his chest, and he laughed, catching her hand in his own.  ‘Idiot.’

‘I think it’s about time for me to head out.’  Negan had been watching the exchange, but now he stretched, peering out of the window where the light was slowly starting to fade.

‘You sure?  You can stay if you want.’  It was the first time Rick had ever made such a gesture, and Jess almost gasped in shock, but she caught herself just in time.

‘Yeah, Dad, the guest room’s made up.  It’s no trouble.’

‘Nah.  Best I get back.’  Negan shrugged. ‘Place can’t seem to operate for too long without me.’  Since shutting down the old system, he’d built the Sanctuary up as a centre for trade, using his Saviors to scavenge the targets that nobody else had the numbers or firepower to hit.  The old tensions still ran deep, but slowly the other communities were beginning to come around, and this new way of doing things was allowing them all to flourish. Not wanting to turn down Rick’s olive branch completely though, Jess was surprised when her father stepped forwards, clapping a large hand on Rick’s shoulder.  ‘You’re doing a good job here, Rick. Keeping my girl safe, and my granddaughter. I owe you.’

The two exchanged a look, and something shifted in the air, unidentifiable and yet significant.

As Negan said his goodbyes, Jess once again found herself filled with the warmth that being surrounded by family brought her.  It had been a good day, and there were so many more to look forward to: Birthdays and Christmases. Things to celebrate, together.  A future. She and Rick had built this, between the two of them, and no matter how hard the past year had been, every second had been worth it.  It was a good thing. It was theirs. And she was determined to make the most of every minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it this far, there is a sequel to this mini-series called Come Back To Me. Check it out here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18733654


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